How Christmas can impact mental health

 

Social and financial pressures

There are many ways that Christmas and the festive season can impact our mental health. For example, social pressures of hosting family and friends, buying gifts, entertaining, and the pressure to have fun. Increased social events and gift giving can lead to financial pressures too. 

You might find that yourself doing things out of obligation and feeling overwhelmed and unable to relax or fully enjoy it. Maybe you are the person who puts in all the planning, effort and work to make the Christmas magic happen, at the cost of burning yourself out. It can be easy to overdo it. You deserve a break too. 

Remember that you can say no. You don’t need to feel guilty if you choose to protect your own peace. Schedule in some time for yourself. Maybe book a few extra days off work after the holidays so that you get a chance to recover. 

 

Expectations

If you have ideas about how you want Christmas to be, and it doesn’t go to plan, this might bring up difficult feelings too. Maybe you’ve always celebrated Christmas a certain way and this year is different. It’s also easy to compare your Christmas with what everyone else is doing and feel less than or left out. If you are someone who really looks forward to Christmas, it can be difficult to settle back into your usual routine. 

It may be worth planning ahead for times when you think you might struggle. If Christmas itself causes you anxiety or upset, you might plan something more lowkey or plan some time for yourself throughout the holiday period. If you struggle in the time after Christmas, you might plan a few things to look forward to for that time. 

 

Difficult family dynamics

You may be dreading the family dynamics that occur when everyone is together. You may predict arguments, difficult questions or dreaded conversations and you may find that your boundaries are being crossed. It can be difficult to say no to things you don’t want to do if you feel a sense of obligation. Being around family can put us back into the headspace of old patterns and the role you had in your family during childhood. Even if you learned to say no and advocate for yourself in other contexts, it can be especially hard to do so with family. 

Be gentle with yourself and let yourself feel how you feel. Remember that you are an adult and it's okay to ask for what you need or express when someone has crossed a boundary. For example, if a relative comments on your weight when you've told them that this makes you uncomfortable, you have every right to tell them that this is not okay or remove yourself from that situation. It's okay to demand respect. You also don’t have to please everyone or be the person who keeps the peace.

 

Grief and loneliness

For anyone grieving the loss of a loved one, Christmas can be a trigger, especially when you would have spent time with them over the festive period. If you previously lost someone around this time of year, those memories can come flooding back. And if you're surrounded by happy people enjoying the holidays, it can amplify the loss and feel extra painful. 

If you are grieving a loved one, it might be that you are spending Christmas alone or in a different way than usual. Maybe you don’t want to celebrate at all because this time of year reminds you of what you lost and it's too painful. 

If you are experiencing grief or loneliness, prioritize what you need this Christmas. You may want to ask for support from trusted friends or family. You can find ways to honour the memory of this person in your celebrations, and if you need to take some time out of the celebrations for your own peace and sanity, this is okay too.

Let yourself say no to social events that don't interest you. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Don’t feel like you need to put on a brave face or pretend to be happy for other people so as not to ruin their fun. Your experience is valid and you can be as honest as you like about how you are feeling. You may even find that someone else is relieved if you acknowledge that it's a difficult time. 

 

General tips for looking after yourself

• Be patient with yourself 
• Prioritise what you need
• Set boundaries
• Let yourself experience and express how you feel
• Take time away from the celebrations if you need it
• Plan ahead - consider what has helped in the past if this is a difficult time of year
• Plan something to look forward to for after Christmas
• Let people know that you are struggling and what they can do to support you
• You don’t have to justify yourself if your plans are a little different this year 
• Keep a list of support services (like this one) and friends that you can contact if you are struggling

 

If Christmas has brought up some difficult issues for you or you are interested in counselling for any reason, have a look at my website here, and feel free to ask any questions or enquire about counselling sessions here.