How Christmas can impact mental health
Social and financial pressures
There are many ways that Christmas and the festive season can impact our mental health. For example, social pressures of hosting family and friends, buying gifts, entertaining, and the pressure to have fun. As a result there is also a financial pressure due to social events and gift giving.
You might find that you are doing all of these things out of obligation and feel overwhelmed and therefore may not be able to relax or fully enjoy it. If you are a people pleaser, it can be easy to overdo it. Maybe you are the person who puts in all the planning, effort and work to make the Christmas magic happen, at the cost of burning yourself out. You deserve a break too.
Remember that you can say no. You don’t have to please everyone or be the person who keeps the peace. Don’t feel guilty if you choose to protect your own peace. Schedule in some time for yourself. Maybe book a few extra days off work after the holidays so that you get a chance to recover.
Expectations
If you have ideas about how you want Christmas to be, and it doesn’t go to plan, this might bring up difficult feelings too. Maybe you’ve always celebrated Christmas a certain way and this year is different. It’s also easy to compare your Christmas with what everyone else is doing and feel less than or left out. If you are someone who looks forward to Christmas, it can be difficult to readjust to life when Christmas is over.
It may be worth planning ahead for times when you think you might struggle. If Christmas itself causes you anxiety or upset, you might plan some more lowkey celebrations or plan some time for yourself throughout the holiday period. If you struggle in the time after Christmas, you might plan a few things to look forward to for that time.
Difficult family dynamics
You may be dreading the family dynamics that occur when the whole family is together. You may predict arguments or difficult questions or conversations and you may find that your boundaries are being crossed and you find it difficult to say no to things you don’t want to do if you are doing things out of a sense of obligation. Being around family can put us back into the headspace of old patterns and the role you had in your family during childhood, so even if you have learned to say no and advocate for yourself in other contexts of your life such as in work or with friends, it can be especially difficult to do so around your family.
Be gentle with yourself, let yourself feel how you feel, remember that you are an adult and it's not unreasonable for you to ask for what you need and express when someone has gone too far in crossing a boundary. For example, if a family member is making comments about your weight and you have told them that this makes you uncomfortable and they still do it, you have every right to tell them that this is not okay or remove yourself from that situation if that is what you feel you need to do. It is okay to demand respect.
Grief and loneliness
For anyone who is grieving the loss of a loved one, especially family, it can be a triggering time of year, especially when you would have spent time with this person during Christmas. It can be a difficult time of year if you previously lost someone around this time of year as well, as it can not only bring back those memories, but if you are surrounded by people who are happy and enjoying the holidays which can feel extra cruel and hurtful when you are grieving. It can amplify the loss that you are experiencing.
If you are grieving a loved one, it might be that you are spending Christmas alone or in a different way to how you usually spend the holiday season. Maybe you don’t want to celebrate at all because this time of year reminds you of what you lost and is a painful experience.
If you are experiencing grief or loneliness, prioritize what you need this Christmas. You may want to ask for support from a trusted friend or family member. You can find ways to honour the memory of this person in your celebrations, and if you need to take some time out of the celebrations for your own peace and sanity, this is okay too. Let yourself say no to social events that you are not interested in. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Don’t feel like you need to put on a brave face or pretend to be happy for other people so as not to ruin their fun. Your experience is valid and you can be as honest as you like about how you are feeling. You may even find that someone else is relieved if you choose to acknowledge that it's a difficult time.
General tips for looking after yourself
- Be patient with yourself
- Prioritise what you need
- Set boundaries
- Let yourself experience and express how you feel
- Take time away from the celebrations if you need it
- Plan ahead - think what has helped in the past if you struggle around this time of year
- Try out new traditions if you are struggling with things being different this year or if you are missing someone this year
- Plan something to look forward to for after Christmas
- Let people know that you are struggling and what they can do to support you
- You don’t have to justify yourself to others if your plans are a little different this year or if you want to take some time out
- Keep a list of support services (like this one) and friends that you can contact if you are struggling
If Christmas has brought up some difficult issues for you or you are interested in counselling for any reason, have a look at my website here, and feel free to ask any questions or enquire about counselling sessions here.