Are you an autistic person who struggles with self care?

If so, you're not the only one. For many autistic people, it often ends up last on the to do list or forgotten altogether. 

 

Why you might struggle with self care

Can you relate to any of these?

• You forget to take breaks in your working day because you hyperfocused and lost track of time
• You forgot to eat because you felt like you weren’t going to have time with the growing list of things you have to get done that day
• You planned to get things done and you were on track until your mum / sister / friend rang 
• You feel like there isn’t time for it because you feel a constant need to do more, to be more productive
• You finally found time for self care, but what do you focus on? Rest, hobbies, socialising, exercising? You can’t do everything so you get overwhelmed and end up scrolling on your phone again feeling guilty about not doing anything

Self-care can be difficult for neurodivergent people because of time management, executive dysfunction, distractions, losing interest, feeling the need to be productive, and getting stuck in overthinking loops. 

Additionally, many autistic people have difficulty recognising and understanding the body’s internal cues, for example that you are dehydrated. If you have difficulties with this, you might struggle with basic self care, forgetting to drink water or eat and may also have difficulty with emotional regulation. 

 

Self care tips for autistic people

Remember that different things will work for different people. Self care is very individual. What I consider self care may differ from what you think of as self care.

Be kind to yourself always, especially if you don’t get as much done as you’d hoped.

Prioritise rest to reduce autistic burnout. Burnout is one of the causes of self doubt, ongoing fatigue, depression and suicidality in autistic people. It is commonly caused by chronic life stress, sensory environmental factors, and by masking. Prioritising rest might look like withdrawing from social situations or limiting time in environments that feel overwhelming or overstimulating. 

Consider what works for other autistic/ neurodivergent people. 

 

Examples of autistic self care

• Stimming
• Exercise
• Meditation / mindfulness
• Journalling
• Counselling / therapy

 

Stimming 

There are endless ways that people stim. Rocking, swaying, pacing, hand flapping, skin picking, biting, fidgeting in different ways. You probably stim without consciously thinking about it. But many autistic people have been told to stop because it's childish, weird or not socially acceptable. 

This leads to many autistic people developing shame about how they stim. As such there might be certain stims you only do in private or only around people who you feel very safe with. You might even develop more subtle stims to use in public.

But as much as you can, try to embrace it. It doesn’t hurt anyone, and it's likely to soothe you, calm your nervous system and help you concentrate. 

The more I learn about stimming, the more I realise how similar they can be to grounding techniques that I learn about as a therapist. For example, EFT tapping, butterfly hugs, stomping, swaying, rocking, walking around the room, even chanting are all grounding techniques used by therapists to work with trauma. Therapists encourage people to engage their senses and try these things because we know from research that they can calm your nervous system. 

When we teach grounding techniques, we use trial and error to figure out which ones work for each person. If you stim when you’re feeling stressed, this suggests you intuitively know what helps calm your nervous system. It's not something to be ashamed of.

 

Exercise 

Similar to stimming, exercise keeps you feeling connected to your body. It also gets your energy out, and can help clear your mind. It’s good for your physical and mental health. Exercise is known to boost self-esteem, increase motivation and focus, and reduce anxiety, stress and mental fatigue. 

Many forms of exercise can be repetitive and methodical. Find what forms of exercise you actually enjoy. If you aren’t already in the habit of exercising, it’s okay to start small because any amount of exercise is better than no exercise. 

Again, I think autistic and neurodivergent people often experience guilt thinking that they aren't doing enough. Exercise is not about punishing yourself, and you won’t enjoy it or get into the habit of it if you approach it with this mindset. It’s better to find what you do enjoy, and remember that you’re doing it to feel good. 

Exercises that I’ve enjoyed include going for walks, at home yoga, yoga classes, swimming, roller skating, ice skating, and probably a few more that I’m forgetting. Sometimes I get into a habit with these, but often I forget or don’t get around to doing as much as I would like. Even when this happens, I try not to criticize myself for it and I consider that a lot of things I would do anyways still count as exercise, like cleaning the house, going to work, walking to the shops and so on. 

 

Meditation / mindfulness 

Studies show that meditation can help reduce psychological distress. Even if it feels chaotic and like your thoughts wander no matter what you do, it’s still beneficial for you. It’s good practice for not judging your thoughts, but just noticing them and letting them float away. It can also help you tune into what’s going on in the body, increase your body awareness and understand the meaning of different sensations in the body (interoception). 

You can meditate on your own, or use guided meditations to give you some structure. 

I do some guided meditations, but I still haven’t got the hang of meditating in silence by myself. The time seems to go on for way longer than I expect. But I know that’s normal and it’s probably still benefitting me in some way. You can try things without having to do them perfectly. 

 

Journalling 

Journalling or stream of consciousness writing can be a great outlet for what’s on your mind, and anything you might be worried about. When your mind feels messy or chaotic, it can help to get it out on paper. This can make things feel calmer and clearer, help you understand what’s bothering you, and give you an idea of what is in your control.

If you know what is in your control, you can make steps to address those things. Letting go of the rest may be easier said than done, but if you focus on what you can control you’ll see progress and that will help you feel less stuck. 

You could also use journaling to explore what you’re feeling and where these feelings come from. This leads to understanding yourself better and feeling more at peace in yourself.

 

Learn more about autism

Engage with content by autistic people, read about autism, talk to autistic people and in doing so you increase your self awareness and self acceptance. As you realise that you’ve always felt things or done things a certain way for a reason, you feel validated. It takes away the feeling that something is wrong with you or that certain things were your fault. 

Self acceptance also means giving yourself permission to do the things that naturally bring you joy or calm, such as engaging in your hobbies, special interests and stimming. 

 

Counselling / therapy 

Counselling can help you understand yourself better, process past experiences, explore the ways you stim, work on letting go of shame, explore the ways you mask, learn more about who you are without the mask, and so on. 

The more you understand yourself, the more you can learn to work with your natural way of being rather than trying to conform to neurotypical standards of self care. 

You can come to counselling with your own goals or you can show up and just speak about whatever is on your mind on the day. 

One of the great things about counselling is that you are in control of what you want to talk about and how much structure you would like to create in the sessions. The sessions are led by you and it’s your time to focus on whatever feels most important to you. 

I am a person centred counsellor and I often work with neurodivergent adults. I enjoy working with neurodivergent people and I suspect that I am also probably autistic.

 

If you’re wondering if we would be a good fit as counsellor and client, you can learn more about me here. 

If you’re interested in trying counselling sessions with me, you can get in contact here.